History Behind Some Of The Traditions That We Still Do At Weddings
Weddings have been celebrated across cultures and throughout history, and many of the traditions associated with them have been passed down through generations. But do we even know why or how these traditions got started. Some of these traditions reflect patriarchal values that have historically dominated society, and continue to influence weddings today. And listen, this is your day and you can do things however YOU want to do them. You can walk down the aisle with you dad or both your parents or by yourself. Or you don’t have to walk down the aisle at all. Do something that feels right to you. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community it is important that we evaluate the traditions that have seemed from the patriarch.
Here are some examples:
The Father Giving Away the Bride: In traditional Western weddings, it is common for the bride's father to walk her down the aisle and give her away to the groom. This tradition dates back to a time when women were considered the property of their fathers until they were married, at which point ownership would transfer to their husbands. An obviously a time when queer weddings weren’t legal or accepted.
The White Wedding Dress: The tradition of wearing a white wedding dress can be traced back to Queen Victoria's wedding in 1840. Prior to this, brides would wear their best dress, regardless of color. White became popular because it was seen as a symbol of purity, and a reflection of the bride's worthiness as a wife. A wife was meant to be presented as a virgin to their spouse. I love a white dress or suite - but yikes.
The Bridal Veil: The bridal veil is also a symbol of purity, as it was believed that covering the bride's face would protect her from evil spirits. In some cultures, the veil also served as a way to protect the bride's modesty, as it would conceal her face and body from male guests. Lol.
The Bride Taking the Groom's Last Name: In many cultures, it is customary for the bride to take the groom's last name after marriage. This tradition reflects the patriarchal belief that a woman's identity is subsumed by her husband's, and that she is expected to take on his family name and adopt his social status. I love when I hear of more progressive couples taking the the bride’s last name if it’s a heterosexual partnerships. Or I love that in a same-sex or queer relationship this is a discussion and not just something assumed.
The Groom's Proposal: The tradition of the groom proposing to the bride is rooted in the idea that men should be the ones pursuing women, and that women should wait for a man to propose marriage. This reinforces traditional gender roles, in which men are seen as the active, assertive partners and women as passive and receptive. Maybe it’s just my dislike of surprise or needing to be in control but if you are in a heteronormative relationship the woman should be involved in the conversation of engagement and at least somewhat of a timeframe! Just me?
It is important to note that while these traditions have patriarchal origins, they do not necessarily reflect the values or beliefs of modern couples. Many couples choose to incorporate or modify these traditions in ways that feel meaningful to them, or to forego them altogether in favor of more egalitarian wedding practices.